I absolutely adore games that are on the straight and narrow, orbiting around well-determined objectives and not wasting a lot of time throwing eye candy at you to distract from the fact that they have more cutscenes than actual interactivity. Orcs Must Die! is such a title, with cutscenes taking up as little gametime as the ones in the original Prince of Persia, a learning curve so brief it’s almost inexistent and the particularities of a contemporary Space Invaders.

Genre-wise, it’s a hybrid between tower defense and hack and slash and can be summed up as „ a bunch of orcs are coming through one or more gates on the map and you have to take them all out before they actually get to a portal”. It starts out softly, with one gate, one corridor and one portal at the end and has a total of 29 maps that need to be beaten if you are to achieve victory.

From the feudal boots of an arrogant, sadistic and not particularly bright young man, the player takes over a mixed inventory of traps and artifacts. The conceited protagonist finds himself in this situation after his old predecessor in the fight against the green horde took his last breath, and gets all the tools he needs in the fight against Evil – every map bringing a new toy along.

Initially we can only use the crossbow, Bladestaff and the classic spiked floor trap (since I mentioned Prince of Persia somewhere above), but before long we get to use a mixed arsenal that includes brimstone traps, crushing ceilings, automated ballistas or archers, giant maces swinging in tight spaces, conversion mushrooms, paladins and others. What’s certain that every map will grant us up to ten weapons from your spellbook and hopefully use them to the best of our abilities against the oncoming waves.

The killing methods are complemented by various interactive elements the maps bring along – chandeliers that, when struck, fall straight on their victims’ heads or logs that roll along a corridor, pots of acid or lava that can be knocked over to spill burning death on the unsuspecting flocks below and lastly, pools of lava and acid that orcs can be knocked into either using traps or by using the Windbelt’s primary attack, a sort of Force Push adapted to medieval times.

There’s even an RPG customization element – three weavers who each represent a talent tree (Knowledge, Steel and Spell) and distinct approaches to every level. It’s worth mentioning that only one of them can be explored on any given map and at the end of the level gets reset to nil.

Both talent distribution as well as placing traps or guardians (archers and paladins) cost money, which you get either for the plain orc genocide, as well as a bonus for finishing the round or reaching a high killstreak. There are bonuses for any spell-obtained kills or death by traps in the Knowledge and Steel trees, respectively. And then there are coins that the more elite enemies will drop and can be collected manually.

Since we’re talking about enemies, they’re divided (as in any tower defense game, really) in multiple types, creatures borrowed from the fantasy folklore and imbued with varied abilities the player will have to take into account for a more efficient defense. Aside from classic orcs (loud, incredibly stupid and vulnerable to any less than honorable intentions you might have for their health) we also get crossbow orcs (essentially, the same thing), Kobolds (fast runners with the bad habit of surviving most slower traps or, alternatively, as suicide bombers), Imps (fat and slow or small and many, the flyers in the game), Ogres (resilient, in varied forms depending on their resistances and vulnerabilities) or Gnolls (dog-headed humanoids which serve as Warmage assassins).

After starting the waves, you get really short breathing times and once every three waves you get a Go Break, starting the next wave at your own discretion (on the Normal difficulty that is), enough time to renew traps, build broken barricades or simply meander around aimlessly.

During the attack itself, you’ll have (on Nightmare at least) to combine the tactics of a clever trap maze with an efficient usage of spells and weapons. The crossbow can get headshots, eliminating an enemy considerably faster, and each weapon and spell has a secondary attack, most of the time having an area effect.

The whole slaughter has a very intense musical score, a mix sometimes defined by a medieval tone, electrified by guitar riffs, a musical approach that reminds me a little bit of the concept in Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. And at other times, the musical theme takes a more mystical tone, but brilliantly comes together with the color palette, the dynamics of the animations and the whole stylish environment, one I can only describe as a cross between Army of Darkness and Warcraft.

The characters have a slightly cartoonish anatomy, specific to Blizzard games and the parody values in Sam Raimi’s film. Every now and then, the nameless protagonist (spartanly identified as the War Mage) will comment the acquisition of a new trap, the ascension to a new level or success through cries, crude jokes referring the suffering the orcs have coming up or mocking nostalgia referring his late master.

The humor never gets tiresome or done poorly, which, if you’re asking me, is pretty rare in the array of overused jokes in the recent mainstream market. Another memorable advantage Orcs Must Die! has is the pretty good replay value, guaranteed by the presence of a score and global ranking tab, aside from the achievements that require finishing the game on Nightmare or getting a five star rating (or skulls, in the game’s visual grammar) on each map.

In the end, there are two important elements it misses if it was to be flawless: the multiplayer mode (a cooperative campaign would have been welcome) and a map editor. Currently, we have 29 maps to test strategies on, fight over leaderboards and approach spatial geometry & murder deluxe on.

It’s true, every map has its own subtleties, very well integrated (chokepoints, areas welcoming certain traps and opportunities to try out very different setups), and tackling maps a second time with newer traps brings whole new tactical dimensions to the game.

And all this for 10,99 $, suggesting that Robot Entertainment are size-conscious and a good sign for those of us with lighter pockets.